I've found you.

I don't know if this inspiration will last but I want to write about this before its gone if it leaves. I know where you went. You're not gone..You're in my heart. I just need a way to let you out. You haven't been the same since I was gone. Atleast from what I've heard. I want you to be you again. I want you to miss me. I want you to wake up. I want you to embrace Christ. Theres nobody that would still even want to talk to you after you said the things that you said to me. Theres nobody that would still want you. Good thing I'm a nobody. I want the best for you. I think thats me. Is this selfish? Everything worth having is worth fighting for. You're worth everything. I'll fight for you until you're mine again but all of this is in God's hands. I think I'm more right then I know but its all up to you.

Counting the days.

Its been One month and twelve days since we've been apart. I've haven't been truly happy since. I have tried so hard to get you back. I don't know how much longer I can take. I would endure all this for you but everyone has their limits. Although I would stretch mine to the brink just for you. I don't think you know how much you mean to me.I just want her back so much . I would do anything. ANYTHING. People tell me "oh you're only 17.blah blah." FUCK THAT. I know I love her with all my heart. I've turned to Christ and the Lord for help in my time of need. I have faith but Nothings getting better. I have a class with her and I sat right next to her. Basically for the time I've known her shes been mine. I don't know how to act around her other then to be in her arms. I can't get used to this. It feels weird,it feels out of place. I hate this.I just wish there was something I could do. But nothing feels that void she took. Its like a hunger I can't satisfy. Even flirting with other girls feels like cheating..I just have never been through this much pain. Even when my dad left.. it hurt so much less then this. Yesterday after the first day of the tri. She walked right by me without saying anything like I'm a stranger like I don't matter. Shes not acting like herself. Everyone when I talk to them says "I don't know man, I don't know her like you do." Thats exactly it. I know her so well. I know this isn't her. I just don't know whats wrong. If anything I wish all this prayer I'm getting would go to her. Maybe I'm wrong maybe shes fine. idk. I have all these feelings and theres no way to vent them. Yesterday would have been well suited for rain. I cried so much after I got home because after spending that 70 minutes next to her.. I knew I still am madly in love with her. These feelings aren't going away although if they were already gone I wouldn't have really loved her in the first place. This may seem creepy all my feelings for her. I can't get her out of my head. Shes all I think about. Theres so much that reminds me of her. It could be the littlest thing and bam! shes there. I can't even get away from this in my dreams. Shes there. My family that met her asks about her and says "How is your girlfriend/Micah?" and I just have to sink down and say "she broke up with me.." Its like I can't get away from it. We have the same lunch and the same fourth hour. As much as I love it. I hate it because it just reminds me of what I had and how happy I was. The best advice I've been given is follow your heart. Why do anything if your hearts not in it right? My heart tells me shes the only girl for me and I need no one else. Shes perfect even at her worst. I only have eyes for her and thats not changing. I just want her bad so bad. I don't know what to do. Anything for her. I feel pathetic. Every tear I've cried,every sad day I've had would all be worth it if she would only be mine again. Here I go again with the tears. I get this feeling of unfinished business with her but theres nothing I can do. Please oh Lord give me strength and opportunity to win by my love,my baby...Micah. The old saying "It can only go up from here." Wheres up? I'm so lost. I love talking to people about there problems but I hate talking to people about mine sometimes cause I don't want to put my problems on others. I can be such a hypocrite sometimes. Telling people things giving them advice but not doing that myself. I'm so human its disgusting. Speaking of disgusting I've found Lust grosser and grosser recently. Maybe thats because I've discovered the only person I ever want to share myself with is her. Again..I'm not sure where to go or what to do. I need guidance,I need help, I need a helping hand. I need her. I need her so bad. I wish she needed me just as bad. I think I've cried everyday for the past month and a half. She made me so happy that I cried from happiness once just because I knew she was mine and she loved me. I guess I'm really emotional. :/ I must suck. I have low self esteem. Blah. This is way more then I thought I could write.