There's no way down,
When you drug yourself to the bottom
There's no way down,
When you cast yourself as...
Deceiver, deceiver, deceiver, deceiver
Theres no lower then you. You got caught again. Who knows if this is the first time you have done it again? I know what you're capable of. It scares me. As soon as I heard the news... I found myself shaking. Why do I care so much? You don't even give me the time of day. Are my thoughts even rational thinking? I've got a big heart and nothing to do with it.. or my you still have it along with all the other stuff you've yet to give back. I don't see the purpose of this. Is this some kind of test? I know God wouldn't put me through something I can't handle but....What if I can't handle this? What if I can't overcome this? I don't have any idea what I'm supposed to do. I need a sign. I need a hint, a letter, a voice, a word,etc. Anything. No matter what I do shes some how brought up,seen,reminded of and spoken of. What is this? This is no challenge this is a war on my heart and the walls are crashing down. I hope I'm not making this too dramatic. These are only my feelings, No big deal right?
You see nothing but yourself.You damn the ones that fight for you. Why? I can't see reasoning in you. I don't see what went wrong. I don't see why I can still care this much. Why am I afraid for you? why? oh why? Thats right.. I love you and I'm in love with the old you. This is rough. Getting over you is like getting over Mt. Everest, I just don't know where to start..how do I prepare?
In some ways I want to say this
" I am to the point where I don't even wanna know where you are
Or where you're going baby (oooh).
Same old story.
And I am to the point where I don't even wanna see your face anymore (anymore).
You're so far gone."
but I also want to say this.
"I'm going to ride this plane out of your life again.
I wish that I could stay. "But," you argue.
More than this, I wish you could've seen my face
In backseats staring out of the window.
I'll do anything for you,
Kill anyone for you.
So leave yourself intact
'Cause I will be coming back.
In a phrase to cut these lips,
I love you.
The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up.
I've earned through hope and faith
On the curves around your face
That I'm the one you'll hold forever.
If morning never comes for either one of us,
Then this I pray to you wherever.
I'll do anything for you.
This story is for you.
('Cause I'd do anything you want me to for you.)
I'll do anything for you,
Kill anyone for you.
So leave yourself intact
'Cause I won't be coming back.
In a phrase to cut these lips,
I loved you.
The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up.
The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
'Til you decide to wake up "
You can look at both sides...which one would you say is more poweful?
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Hell or High water
These lyrics basically say what I'm thinking. I'm explain after I post them.
"And you’re far to shallow to drown me in your follies
You won’t make it far, this is bigger than who we are
How could you get this far, with such a bitter plan, building all these scars
Just go ahead, pull us out, to sea, relapse to what you were
Such a commodity for you and me to be lost at sea, you drug me out here but honestly, I can sleep and preach much better now, in the clear, you are not to keen, on your current positions
You’re to far out to swim your way in, you’re to far out to swim your way 2x
Now that I’m back to where I started, drifting out against the ocean’s speed, these waves will take you farther, into the deep
And I said, that this is the end, the end (Let’s both be honest, this is the end)
Pause, fold, contort, all your friends, they fell short and sold you out
You’re to far out, to swim your way in, you’re to far out, to swim your way 2x
When all is said, and done, we face the problems we thought would never come, these treacheries, will claim you"
Shes become so shallow. She put a grimace on her face when we talked about my hair length recently. but I'm trying to put myself above that. Above anyone's opinion of me being me."You won’t make it far, this is bigger than who we are" means you can't run from this because even if you forget and are blind to what you're doing doesn't mean that God is and will. "Building all these scars" means how much you've hurt yourself and me. "You're to far out to swim your way in" means you've gone too way from who you you used to be that you'll need help going back."Now that I’m back to where I started," I'm back to being single and alone.."drifting out against the ocean’s speed, these waves will take you farther, into the deep." We've been drifting apart becoming less and less close."And I said, that this is the end, the end (Let’s both be honest, this is the end)
Pause, fold, contort, all your friends, they fell short and sold you out" This is the end of us if this is who she is and slowing all the people who cared for and were friends with her just stopped because of her actions. "When all is said, and done, we face the problems we thought would never come, these treacheries, will claim you" We never saw falling apart and becoming bitter towards each other. Its something no one couldn've predicted. All these negative things you're doing will come back and get you. Karma's a bitch eh? but also all of this is turning her into something I never saw that pretty face as a Monster.
It hurts to see something like this happen. When you do something to hurt yourself it not only hurts you but everyone that cares about you. It seems like less and less people are liking her or atleast from what I hear. I care..I still care. I thought the dreams that haunted me were done...but they're coming back. The last two nights you've come back to my dreams. I don't get what my mind is getting at. I obviously still feel something towards her. Its been two months. It feels like forever. I haven't said a word towards her in more then a week. I have a presentation with her on monday...thats gonna be awesome. She still hasn't given all my stuff back. It seems like its no big deal that I would like my stuff back. I don't get her. Why would she want to keep my stuff? It'll only remind her of my which is obviously something she didn't want. Then why think of something you don't want? The slightest things are bringing her back to my attention. Its odd. I thought I was starting to get over this.I'm not in tears or anything but its just upsetting this whole thing. I... I don't want to think of her with anyone else. I stopped caring for a little...I started being a better mood but then it caught up to me...It sucked...alot. I don't get this. I don't get me. I don't understand why I'm able to be stuck on someone who treats me like trash. Something you throw away and never think of anymore. Seriously. I was talking to Matt about how she broke up with me and he blatantly looked at me and said. "I'm sorry but What a BITCH!" It hit me and I was....you know..you're right. That was a horrible way to treat someone you used to "love". Love is reserve with those who can actually feel compassion towards someone. I understand shes only 16. She wants to see what else is out there.. but seriously How could you treat me like that? I'm a human being and as disgusting as it is being human..I deserve respect. Like you. You deserve respect as well but every action you do is taking away from that. You're blindfold is a mirror you only see yourself but even then you can't see what you're doing to yourself. It kinda scares me...if anything happens to you..I don't know what I'd do. Not just anyone would do what I would do. Thats what she doesn't seem to get. Thats what alot of people don't seem to get. Why go for douchebags? Seriously..they just screw you over. I was the first person not to screw you over and It makes no sense. I believe everything happens for a reason...but whats the reason for this? I talked to my mom about this and she looked at me and said "Josh, She didn't leave you for you. She left you because of the God in you. The God in you wouldn't let her do what she wanted to do. She couldn't be your girlfriend and do what shes wanting to do right now." and In a way it made me feel better but it also made me sad. Shes so without God..I wish she can see and find him. I tried planting that seed a month ago...nothing. Apparently shes become worse. I know what shes capable of and...it scares me. I don't know why my mind wanders on this things. It sends a shock to my system and gives me a gross feeling. I want that feeling to go away but theres nothing I can do. I desperately need help. but part of my problem is that shes being a reckless teenager. I can't change this and I HATE HATE HATE it. Even though she doesn't talk to me and I doubt she ever thinks of me...I worry so much about her. I don't understand...What am I supposed to do? Seriously. I just want to be wiped clean of gross feelings and lust and all the disgusting things that comes with being human. I wish for something better. What I deserve. Theres no way...someone so loving and caring can't not deserve nothing? I base my faith on when I felt God. I know it was him. I don't use Micah as a Faith factor...its just something I wish could be fixed. I wish She would be the person she used to be. I have prayed every night before I go to sleep for all those who need it and for Micah. I try and try and try to be thankful for what I have but Its just so easy to be like I don't have that...and be upset about that. I can be fake with myself and tell everyone and myself that I'm sad because I don't have a relationship but the truth is that I'm still upset because I don't have her. How do I know that if I get into a relationship that it would even feel right? well atleast right now. That I could even kiss someone else and it mean anything? I don't know.. I need God. I need.....I don't know. I just need. I don't like complicated others with my problems yet I always end up being complicated with others problems. Maybe its just me trying to be selfless. I don't do selflessness because I want anything out of it. I mean deep down theres always like "Well I could get blah blah out of this." but I push that aside as just the temptation inside trying to take control. I want to be selfless because it feels right. I know I am still selfish though. I want as much as I can get money,food,etc. Its very glutinous and I can't stand it. I hate being negative Its just how I find myself sometimes. You know that saying "It can only go up from here"? huh. When does that start? I don't know...I think after I'm done with this I'm gonna go in my room for some deep thinking with Music. Maybe a talk with God. I need change though...I need positive change.
I know you only too well and you seem to never surprise me. -_-
"And you’re far to shallow to drown me in your follies
You won’t make it far, this is bigger than who we are
How could you get this far, with such a bitter plan, building all these scars
Just go ahead, pull us out, to sea, relapse to what you were
Such a commodity for you and me to be lost at sea, you drug me out here but honestly, I can sleep and preach much better now, in the clear, you are not to keen, on your current positions
You’re to far out to swim your way in, you’re to far out to swim your way 2x
Now that I’m back to where I started, drifting out against the ocean’s speed, these waves will take you farther, into the deep
And I said, that this is the end, the end (Let’s both be honest, this is the end)
Pause, fold, contort, all your friends, they fell short and sold you out
You’re to far out, to swim your way in, you’re to far out, to swim your way 2x
When all is said, and done, we face the problems we thought would never come, these treacheries, will claim you"
Shes become so shallow. She put a grimace on her face when we talked about my hair length recently. but I'm trying to put myself above that. Above anyone's opinion of me being me."You won’t make it far, this is bigger than who we are" means you can't run from this because even if you forget and are blind to what you're doing doesn't mean that God is and will. "Building all these scars" means how much you've hurt yourself and me. "You're to far out to swim your way in" means you've gone too way from who you you used to be that you'll need help going back."Now that I’m back to where I started," I'm back to being single and alone.."drifting out against the ocean’s speed, these waves will take you farther, into the deep." We've been drifting apart becoming less and less close."And I said, that this is the end, the end (Let’s both be honest, this is the end)
Pause, fold, contort, all your friends, they fell short and sold you out" This is the end of us if this is who she is and slowing all the people who cared for and were friends with her just stopped because of her actions. "When all is said, and done, we face the problems we thought would never come, these treacheries, will claim you" We never saw falling apart and becoming bitter towards each other. Its something no one couldn've predicted. All these negative things you're doing will come back and get you. Karma's a bitch eh? but also all of this is turning her into something I never saw that pretty face as a Monster.
It hurts to see something like this happen. When you do something to hurt yourself it not only hurts you but everyone that cares about you. It seems like less and less people are liking her or atleast from what I hear. I care..I still care. I thought the dreams that haunted me were done...but they're coming back. The last two nights you've come back to my dreams. I don't get what my mind is getting at. I obviously still feel something towards her. Its been two months. It feels like forever. I haven't said a word towards her in more then a week. I have a presentation with her on monday...thats gonna be awesome. She still hasn't given all my stuff back. It seems like its no big deal that I would like my stuff back. I don't get her. Why would she want to keep my stuff? It'll only remind her of my which is obviously something she didn't want. Then why think of something you don't want? The slightest things are bringing her back to my attention. Its odd. I thought I was starting to get over this.I'm not in tears or anything but its just upsetting this whole thing. I... I don't want to think of her with anyone else. I stopped caring for a little...I started being a better mood but then it caught up to me...It sucked...alot. I don't get this. I don't get me. I don't understand why I'm able to be stuck on someone who treats me like trash. Something you throw away and never think of anymore. Seriously. I was talking to Matt about how she broke up with me and he blatantly looked at me and said. "I'm sorry but What a BITCH!" It hit me and I was....you know..you're right. That was a horrible way to treat someone you used to "love". Love is reserve with those who can actually feel compassion towards someone. I understand shes only 16. She wants to see what else is out there.. but seriously How could you treat me like that? I'm a human being and as disgusting as it is being human..I deserve respect. Like you. You deserve respect as well but every action you do is taking away from that. You're blindfold is a mirror you only see yourself but even then you can't see what you're doing to yourself. It kinda scares me...if anything happens to you..I don't know what I'd do. Not just anyone would do what I would do. Thats what she doesn't seem to get. Thats what alot of people don't seem to get. Why go for douchebags? Seriously..they just screw you over. I was the first person not to screw you over and It makes no sense. I believe everything happens for a reason...but whats the reason for this? I talked to my mom about this and she looked at me and said "Josh, She didn't leave you for you. She left you because of the God in you. The God in you wouldn't let her do what she wanted to do. She couldn't be your girlfriend and do what shes wanting to do right now." and In a way it made me feel better but it also made me sad. Shes so without God..I wish she can see and find him. I tried planting that seed a month ago...nothing. Apparently shes become worse. I know what shes capable of and...it scares me. I don't know why my mind wanders on this things. It sends a shock to my system and gives me a gross feeling. I want that feeling to go away but theres nothing I can do. I desperately need help. but part of my problem is that shes being a reckless teenager. I can't change this and I HATE HATE HATE it. Even though she doesn't talk to me and I doubt she ever thinks of me...I worry so much about her. I don't understand...What am I supposed to do? Seriously. I just want to be wiped clean of gross feelings and lust and all the disgusting things that comes with being human. I wish for something better. What I deserve. Theres no way...someone so loving and caring can't not deserve nothing? I base my faith on when I felt God. I know it was him. I don't use Micah as a Faith factor...its just something I wish could be fixed. I wish She would be the person she used to be. I have prayed every night before I go to sleep for all those who need it and for Micah. I try and try and try to be thankful for what I have but Its just so easy to be like I don't have that...and be upset about that. I can be fake with myself and tell everyone and myself that I'm sad because I don't have a relationship but the truth is that I'm still upset because I don't have her. How do I know that if I get into a relationship that it would even feel right? well atleast right now. That I could even kiss someone else and it mean anything? I don't know.. I need God. I need.....I don't know. I just need. I don't like complicated others with my problems yet I always end up being complicated with others problems. Maybe its just me trying to be selfless. I don't do selflessness because I want anything out of it. I mean deep down theres always like "Well I could get blah blah out of this." but I push that aside as just the temptation inside trying to take control. I want to be selfless because it feels right. I know I am still selfish though. I want as much as I can get money,food,etc. Its very glutinous and I can't stand it. I hate being negative Its just how I find myself sometimes. You know that saying "It can only go up from here"? huh. When does that start? I don't know...I think after I'm done with this I'm gonna go in my room for some deep thinking with Music. Maybe a talk with God. I need change though...I need positive change.
I know you only too well and you seem to never surprise me. -_-
Friday, March 12, 2010
Leave me Love,Leave me Love just leave me alone.
This last week has been pretty good to me. Final Fantasy XIII came out. I love it. I didn't go to school tuesday because of it. haha. Pokemon comes out sunday! I've been talking to cool new people like Lexie,Brooklyn,Catherine,Bailey,Sam,Haylee,etc. I'm really blessed to have these people in my life. I really love everyone that has been with me through everything. I think I'm getting out of this rut. I'm really enjoying living with Matt. It is really interesting haha. Third tri...what do I think of you? First band like normal. Second. Chinese... theres like 4 kids in there. Third. I love doing nothing with three other awesome people. Fourth. I don't want to sit next to this rude girl. Fifth. There is NO one I know in this class. but yeah its all good. I gave Brooklyn a pokeball and now she is a pokemon trainer! I hope shes good to Prinplup! I've been doing better and better recently. Hopefully I'm at the point where it can only go up from here. I mean.. I think I might have interest in someone new. If I only got to talk to them alittle more I would know but I need alittle more time before I make any decisions. I want to make sure I am actually interested in them as a person and not that I'm just desperate for attention and affection. I also want to make sure that I'm over hershallnotbenamed because if I wasn't and I started dating someone new that would not be fair. I went to church with Tyler wednesday and I really liked it. I think I may start going there. I went to bed last night at one and woke up at three pm today. I wasted the first day of spring break. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I am updating my ipod with stuff I never got a chance to put on there before. Wooo. I still need head phones. I'm excited for tomorrow. Luis and Aaron are coming over to record vocals. Its gonna be pretty sweet.
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