Hell or High water

These lyrics basically say what I'm thinking. I'm explain after I post them.

"And you’re far to shallow to drown me in your follies

You won’t make it far, this is bigger than who we are

How could you get this far, with such a bitter plan, building all these scars

Just go ahead, pull us out, to sea, relapse to what you were

Such a commodity for you and me to be lost at sea, you drug me out here but honestly, I can sleep and preach much better now, in the clear, you are not to keen, on your current positions

You’re to far out to swim your way in, you’re to far out to swim your way 2x

Now that I’m back to where I started, drifting out against the ocean’s speed, these waves will take you farther, into the deep

And I said, that this is the end, the end (Let’s both be honest, this is the end)
Pause, fold, contort, all your friends, they fell short and sold you out

You’re to far out, to swim your way in, you’re to far out, to swim your way 2x

When all is said, and done, we face the problems we thought would never come, these treacheries, will claim you"

Shes become so shallow. She put a grimace on her face when we talked about my hair length recently. but I'm trying to put myself above that. Above anyone's opinion of me being me."You won’t make it far, this is bigger than who we are" means you can't run from this because even if you forget and are blind to what you're doing doesn't mean that God is and will. "Building all these scars" means how much you've hurt yourself and me. "You're to far out to swim your way in" means you've gone too way from who you you used to be that you'll need help going back."Now that I’m back to where I started," I'm back to being single and alone.."drifting out against the ocean’s speed, these waves will take you farther, into the deep." We've been drifting apart becoming less and less close."And I said, that this is the end, the end (Let’s both be honest, this is the end)
Pause, fold, contort, all your friends, they fell short and sold you out" This is the end of us if this is who she is and slowing all the people who cared for and were friends with her just stopped because of her actions. "When all is said, and done, we face the problems we thought would never come, these treacheries, will claim you" We never saw falling apart and becoming bitter towards each other. Its something no one couldn've predicted. All these negative things you're doing will come back and get you. Karma's a bitch eh? but also all of this is turning her into something I never saw that pretty face as a Monster.
It hurts to see something like this happen. When you do something to hurt yourself it not only hurts you but everyone that cares about you. It seems like less and less people are liking her or atleast from what I hear. I care..I still care. I thought the dreams that haunted me were done...but they're coming back. The last two nights you've come back to my dreams. I don't get what my mind is getting at. I obviously still feel something towards her. Its been two months. It feels like forever. I haven't said a word towards her in more then a week. I have a presentation with her on monday...thats gonna be awesome. She still hasn't given all my stuff back. It seems like its no big deal that I would like my stuff back. I don't get her. Why would she want to keep my stuff? It'll only remind her of my which is obviously something she didn't want. Then why think of something you don't want? The slightest things are bringing her back to my attention. Its odd. I thought I was starting to get over this.I'm not in tears or anything but its just upsetting this whole thing. I... I don't want to think of her with anyone else. I stopped caring for a little...I started being a better mood but then it caught up to me...It sucked...alot. I don't get this. I don't get me. I don't understand why I'm able to be stuck on someone who treats me like trash. Something you throw away and never think of anymore. Seriously. I was talking to Matt about how she broke up with me and he blatantly looked at me and said. "I'm sorry but What a BITCH!" It hit me and I was....you know..you're right. That was a horrible way to treat someone you used to "love". Love is reserve with those who can actually feel compassion towards someone. I understand shes only 16. She wants to see what else is out there.. but seriously How could you treat me like that? I'm a human being and as disgusting as it is being human..I deserve respect. Like you. You deserve respect as well but every action you do is taking away from that. You're blindfold is a mirror you only see yourself but even then you can't see what you're doing to yourself. It kinda scares me...if anything happens to you..I don't know what I'd do. Not just anyone would do what I would do. Thats what she doesn't seem to get. Thats what alot of people don't seem to get. Why go for douchebags? Seriously..they just screw you over. I was the first person not to screw you over and It makes no sense. I believe everything happens for a reason...but whats the reason for this? I talked to my mom about this and she looked at me and said "Josh, She didn't leave you for you. She left you because of the God in you. The God in you wouldn't let her do what she wanted to do. She couldn't be your girlfriend and do what shes wanting to do right now." and In a way it made me feel better but it also made me sad. Shes so without God..I wish she can see and find him. I tried planting that seed a month ago...nothing. Apparently shes become worse. I know what shes capable of and...it scares me. I don't know why my mind wanders on this things. It sends a shock to my system and gives me a gross feeling. I want that feeling to go away but theres nothing I can do. I desperately need help. but part of my problem is that shes being a reckless teenager. I can't change this and I HATE HATE HATE it. Even though she doesn't talk to me and I doubt she ever thinks of me...I worry so much about her. I don't understand...What am I supposed to do? Seriously. I just want to be wiped clean of gross feelings and lust and all the disgusting things that comes with being human. I wish for something better. What I deserve. Theres no way...someone so loving and caring can't not deserve nothing? I base my faith on when I felt God. I know it was him. I don't use Micah as a Faith factor...its just something I wish could be fixed. I wish She would be the person she used to be. I have prayed every night before I go to sleep for all those who need it and for Micah. I try and try and try to be thankful for what I have but Its just so easy to be like I don't have that...and be upset about that. I can be fake with myself and tell everyone and myself that I'm sad because I don't have a relationship but the truth is that I'm still upset because I don't have her. How do I know that if I get into a relationship that it would even feel right? well atleast right now. That I could even kiss someone else and it mean anything? I don't know.. I need God. I need.....I don't know. I just need. I don't like complicated others with my problems yet I always end up being complicated with others problems. Maybe its just me trying to be selfless. I don't do selflessness because I want anything out of it. I mean deep down theres always like "Well I could get blah blah out of this." but I push that aside as just the temptation inside trying to take control. I want to be selfless because it feels right. I know I am still selfish though. I want as much as I can get money,food,etc. Its very glutinous and I can't stand it. I hate being negative Its just how I find myself sometimes. You know that saying "It can only go up from here"? huh. When does that start? I don't know...I think after I'm done with this I'm gonna go in my room for some deep thinking with Music. Maybe a talk with God. I need change though...I need positive change.
I know you only too well and you seem to never surprise me. -_-