Sugar and Rainbows

"There's no sense in me saying that life doesn't matter
It doesn't matter, it never mattered
Well I have Sunday so maybe we'll finish this chapter
I can't ever finish this chapter
And now at this moment I don't know what else to think
There's no sense in me saying "I guess I still miss you""

I want to be so mad but...whats the point? I'm sad. Whats the point? I get mad that you don't even say hi to me anymore but... just even the smallest things I still find adorable about you. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I want to be over you because you're obviously not coming back. I don't want you dragging me down anymore... but I'm so jealous that you're able to smile. You're able to be happy with out me. You're happy and content. I wish I was able to be. I see you with other people giving them hugs and such. It makes me so sad. I never get hugs like that. I miss those hugs from you. Its not that I'm creeping its just that you do this in plain sight of me. I love the fact that we pass each other like its nothing. I ask you to bring back my stuff and you DON'T. Well actually, maybe you did. The fact that I still think you're adorable. Thanks. I don't get why Love can make you harbor such harsh feelings for someone. Why oh why? Why do I feel this way? Why can't I get over you? I try and I try but to no avail. Whats the solution to this? Why does this haunt me and hang over my head? I don't think anyone knows I feel this way still. I kinda don't want people to. I just want someone to save me from my suffering. Is this asking for too much? I don't want to be sad anymore. I want to be content. I don't want to be sad from the sight of you. I don't want these feelings anymore because all they bring me is sadness because you broke my heart. You made me feel like utter shit because I love you. Who does that? How can you treat someone who loves you like that? I don't get it. Nothing is making sense. Nothing has made sense since December 18th. I want to say good bye to the storms in the night. I want to say good bye to this beautiful sight.
I just want to be away from sadness. Maybe its for the best I'm graduating. I never wanted to say good bye but I have no choice. I can't stay. I'm not wanted here. I want you to be happy in the end no matter what I say. I will always you even though I may not be in love with you. I want you to be happy even if I'm not. Thats the hardest part...watching you love someone else. I thought you were the antidote for my unhappiness but you ended up the poision. It just took awhile to kick in.