In retrospect

Another day has past. Time keeps taking them away. You know when you lay down to sleep and you have all those thoughts about whats going on and you just think about everything. Everything that matters and everything you care about. I have thought nights every night,with people there or not. I can't stop thoughts. No matter how hard I try. I can't just get over this. Am I so pathetic? Why can I not think of anyone the way I think and thought of you? The way you treated me in the end.. should've made this easy but alas.. It made me miss you more. The way you used to look at me, that smile,those eyes, that embrace, those hugs,kisses.cuddle sessions, the jokes, the time we spent together,super long phone calls, those dreams and expectations, that future....that Love. What am I supposed to do when there was so much taken from me? I was drained hollow and empty. I don't even know which way is up anymore. The slightest sign of you and I almost fall apart. I'm suprised how I'm able to deal with it when we're at school. There has to be something wrong with me. I'm must be broken. I want to be fixed but I don't want to have to go to a fix(drugs,alcohol,sex). Why should I care when you obviously don't? I don't matter and obviously never did. Why am I unable to come to terms with this? I'm sick like a sailor thats been lost at sea. I see your reflection and it haunts me in my dreams. I can say this in the most poetic ways but it wouldn't change anything. I love you still and every moment you're not by my side I hurt alittle more and more. I'm crazy about you...I must be to still have these feelings. Everyone tells me I'm wrong and to just get over it and you. Its not that easy. No mind can grasp that. I've tried. I really have. Do you think I like feeling like this because like always. I'm in unrewuited love? No, I hate it. I want someone to take me away to some where I can't shed tears, Some where were Its safe to let someone else in and where I'm not afraid. Dear God, Please Help. Kthx. God please..... Save me before I do something I regret.(not suicide :D)