Well I am ready to be new again

Okay so Micah gave Jordan one of my shirts to her to give me because she doesn't even want to talk to me anymore even though I sit right next to her in my 4th hour. How gay is that right? I mean how hard is it to just look over and say "heres your shirt back" you don't have to say anything else. but but BUT heres the kicker. I'm best friends with Isaiah,her sister's bf, so I hung out with Isaiah,Becca and Isaiah's little brother yesterday because I was invited to. Well I sent another messsage to micah to remind her to bring the last of my stuff she has. Well She was like I would've given to it you last night since you were at my sisters and all and I was like well its not your fault at all its cool and then she said
"i was pretty pissed to find that out last night. you were a reason i was unable to stay at becs but its cool." I mean...she didn't even want to go over there to hang with her sister. She wanted to go over there to hang out with someone kid that was over there because hes realted to her sister's roomates. She makes me so angry. Thats an understatement.
I think its funny how even my three year old niece picks up why I was sad. She doesn't like Micah anymore because of her breaking my heart. It pretty funny when she talks about it. She used to talk about Micah because she didn't know but now that she does she doesnt want anything to do with anything that reminds her of her. but anyway.
This isn't just a rant this is my thoughts about everything. I got into deep thought while mowing today.
Heres some tid-bits of those thoughts copy and pasted from a conversation I had earlier.
"Its just really tough man. I mean...its been like almost exactly 3 months since she broke up with me and I still break down when thinking about her. This is nothing near easy. I pray every night that I don't pass out right when I get into bed. Which is probably 6/7 of the week and I have for the entire time we've been broken up. I know Great things take time and I'm willing to wait but you know how we are. We're impatient people and just nothing has gone right for me."
" Shes so different. The way she acts. The way she talks...... oh my god. it makes me facepalm
Shes not cool anymore. Shes just an annoying teenage girl. Shes not the AMAZING person I feel in love with."
"That doesn't mean I'm gonna stop praying for her to come back.
I mean I was talking to Isaiah who has to be around her ALL the time because of work and her sister and all he talks about is how annoying or horrible she is and how he can't remember what she was like before me.
And how she used to be cool but now he can't stand her and how He wishes the old her would come back."
"Well she was never this gay. She was the nicest funniest most beautiful girl I ever met. She took my expectations of love and blew them out of the water. So that has to say something."
"She trusted me with so much and I knew her so well thats why all of this confuses me. The girl I knew was so happy with the exception of some things. I just don't get it. I guess I never will."
"I mean the first day I ever hung out with her We went on a walk,played rock band,left 4 dead and walked a pokemon movie. Then things got couple like and well I won't get into details but... God man. I had never been so happy. I miss THAT girl. The girl that would play Left4dead with me and watch pokemon and take walks with me. I Want that girl back like no other."

Well thats all my thoughts that I've already written down.

My other thoughts are I'm writing another letter to her. I'm giving to to someone to give to her the last day I'm in high school. Its going to be my last words to her. I'm going to tell her that I'm going to keep her in my prayers for her to saty safe and not make stupid choices and how I was ignorant of her unhappiness in our relationship and how I was the worst boyfriend because of that. I'm giving up my chase for her because just because she made me happy doesn't mean I made her happy. Because of her I finally know what true Love is. Its sacrificing yourself for someone else. I'd gladly sacrifice my happiness so she can be happy. Thats what I'm going to do. I have to let her go. I have to let her live her life. Maybe when shes matured God will bring her back to me. Who knows. Everything and Anything could happen. I'm putting everything in God's hand. I know He'll mold a beautiful future for me and for her. I know shes this monster of a person right now but I know that doesn't stop those that truly love her from loving her. "He tells me Love endures all things." I honestly don't wish horrible things on her. I wish the best for her but by all means that does not mean if shes a bitch to me I won't stand up for myself for once now. I finally have all my stuff back(atleast Isaiah has the last of it I think?) I'm not afraid to stand up for her anymore because Shes burned more of our bridge then I have. I'm not afraid of this new you. I HATE THEM. How can I hate someone I love? I hate who shes become because she killed such an AMAZING person. thats how. This is complicated I know but Its time to live your life, babe. Likewise, Its my time as well. I need to have faith that the person I'm going to be with is going to be amazing. Well This is the end. It was nice knowing you,I mean that sincerely. I love you and goodbye.